celebrating friendship

In September 2011, I walked into an interview at a start-up technology company, terrified at the idea of working anywhere other than a nonprofit. I tiptoed through the modern workspace, nervous at disturbing the employees all sitting at desks with dual-monitors and headphones on, typing away some fancy web code that I couldn't decipher. They whisked me into a conference room and I waited anxiously...then this super tall redheaded girl walked in and sat down and started chatting, pulling up her pants to show me a disgusting scab on her leg from a recent tumble she had taken.

"I'm really clumsy," she told me, almost proudly. "Oh, and I'm Suzanne. I'm sorta the person you will report to if you get the job."

Fantastic. 

I did get the job, and I think it's because she found out I was a pastor's kid like her and she had a son my daughter's age. Or maybe I got the job because of my vast knowledge of HTML and WordPress and pixels and widgets and...I can't even remember any other technical jargon to throw out there. SO yeah. It was definitely the PK thing. 

Except the PK thing wasn't the only thing we ended up having in common. The first day I sat down at my desk next to hers, I saw her cubicle walls plastered with pictures of her son. Turns out he is a week younger than Faith. I also noticed she wasn't wearing a wedding ring. 

I was at the beginning of my "journey" and she was at the end of hers, but that didn't impact the depth of understanding we shared of each other's journeys. At my worst, she would often tell me, "You are exactly where I was a year ago, I understand." But she didn't push me along my journey, she let me figure it out for myself. And even when I would try to drown my pain in beer or harden myself to other people's opinions or the harsh words being spoken to me, she was there. She's like a figurative "hair-holder-backer" when I was my sickest. Disgusting analogy, not sure why I went there. Ha! But my life was a dark, twisty sick mess and she was in the trenches with me, holding back my hair when I couldn't keep it together. 


Her life was a little bit trench-y too, though. But the thing about trench-y lives is that you don't need people telling you that your life is trench-y. I mean, duh. You need those friends who jump down with you into them and stay with you until the war is over and it's safe to come out. 

We aren't always nice friends. We aren't always the "here's a pat on the back, A for effort" kinda friends. Sometimes she says "SIMS, LISTEN TO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE." And sometimes she texts me to say, "TALK ME OFF THE LEDGE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I DO THAT DUMB THING I DO THAT I WILL REGRET TOMORROW." I once told her, "Dang it, Suz. You need an outlet. Go back to the gym. Talk to a counselor." And she said, "Ummm. YOU are my outlet." 

Fine. 

Our babies are best buddies. And they don't fully understand it yet, but they might end up being trench-y friends too. They both split their time 50/50 between mommy and daddy's house. Faithy is scared to ride on the camel at the petting zoo and Braden prefers to sit with his mama in church instead of go to Sunday School. And both things are okay. Sometimes they both cry when their mamas drop them off at preschool and sometimes they tell us "YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND." I know I can call Suz any day of the week and tell her about Faith's giant meltdown or she can call me to do a serious dissection of custody arrangements. 


When she met Rick, I told her, "Yep. He's the one." And things weren't always easy, but when you really know somebody's soul, you can see what lights it up. And Rick does that for her. When she met Beau for the first time, it was when she and Rick went to lunch with me and Beau, and 10 minutes after we left the restaurant I texted her and said, "????" and she responded, "YES!! Rick told me it was weird to text you as soon as I got in the car, so I tried to wait. But yes yes yes!" She sees my soul too. 

Today we sat in church together (like good PK's do) and I was listening to the choir singing Christmas carols and I just felt so....full. And we are both long gone from that technology company now and in such great places in life. We are out of the trenches for now. Because we are boot-strap-puller-upper friends and fight for each other the way we fight for our babies. 

This Christmas, I am thankful for all of my family and my friends and for my health and for the sweet love that surprised me so much in 2013 :) 

But I am especially celebrating a beautiful, opposite-of-fragile friendship with that super tall, clumsy ginger. She is kind, loyal, strong, a heck of a mom, humble and as much of a mess as I am. Love you, sister! 2013 wouldn't have been tolerable without you.