I know I will love your little brother in all of those ways. But I am feeling all the feels because four years ago when I moved the two of us into Aunt Mandie’s house (and then finally into our own little apartment), you saved me.
Littles aren’t supposed to save their mamas, it should be the other way around. But each night when you crawled out of your toddler bed and into mine, you glued the pieces of my heart that had shattered that day back together again. No matter what consequences you paid for the decisions the people you trusted most made for you, you loved unconditionally.
It was just me and you for a long time. We ate a lot of donuts, became self-proclaimed road warriors with our weekend trips to visit family, visited Starbucks too often and ignored the dwindling bank account, held some serious dance-offs in the kitchen, watched Dora the Explorer and pretended to know Spanish, and cried every Sunday when you left for Daddy’s house. We make a pretty good team, little one.
When I met “Mr. Beau,” I knew he was special. It’s hard to “date” when you’re a single mom. I remember apologizing to him in the very beginning for my non-traditional schedule and my fierce commitment to you before anything - or anyone - else. His immediate and consistent response over the next several months was: “Children are a blessing. Never apologize.”
A few weeks later though, I got really scared of what being in a new serious relationship would mean for me - and for you. I tried really hard to tell him to take a hike … but he’s a stubborn old mule, that Beau. He was headed to work, but he took a super long detour to our apartment so he could look me in the eyes and remind me that what we had was beautiful and how he cherished it. He fought for us that day, but not in the way I was used to fighting. He was gentle and loving, but strong. The walls I thought I was putting up to protect you and me came down a little bit. It’s scary to trust people sometimes, but he’s different.
Not too long after that, he and I sat at Buffalo Wild Wings, and I told him that I didn’t know if I could ever love him as much as I love you. Looking back, I’m sure that stung him. But he didn’t make it an issue. He let me take our relationship at my own pace. That’s the sign of a GOOD man - remember that. Patience is a sign of strong character. The funny thing is, I began to realize that I didn’t need to love him more than you, my heart was just expanding to love you each differently. Just like the two of you loved me differently.
Slowly, we grew to be a little family. My heart literally bursts at the seams when I stop to think about how lucky I am. I’ve seen how your relationship with Beau has grown steadily over the last 3 ½ years and how he has embraced the role of “stepdad” without ever trying to replace your daddy’s spot in your heart. Watching the two of you together has helped me love you BOTH even more.
That’s why even though I am scared to bring another heart into this little family because I am afraid of taking time away from you, I am confident that there is so much GOOD in what we have, God obviously wanted us to share it. (And we’ve gotten pretty good at sharing over the last four years.)
Just between me and you, sister … there is a shortage of good men in the world. I won the jackpot with Beau - he is smart and silly, hard-working and determined, honest and kind, and his muscles make me all swoon-y. After seeing how much he loves you, I know he is going to be the best daddy to our little Russell. And you and me … we get the chance to help raise Russell to be the kind of man Beau is. We get to show him how to treat a lady … and we will make him be a Cubs fan, so then he will really be a good man!
And no matter what, you’re still going to be my only little girl. You’re still a little afraid of thunder and lightning, but you’re the one who picked your mama up and carried her in the middle of the storm. You’ve got a fiercely tender spirit, and you are going to teach Russell how to be brave and kind just by the way you live your life. He’s so lucky to have a Faithy for his big sister.
And when all 4 boys (including Panther and Saber) get to be too much for us, we will take our hard-earned cash money, tell them to peace out, and go get our nails done.
I’m proud of us, sunshine. Through it all, we’ve stuck together, and look at how our love has multiplied.
