a Christmas letter to my baby

Dear Faithy,

This is the kind of letter that moms normally write by hand and keep it in a safe place until their kids are old enough to read it. But let's be honest...I am terrible at keeping things in a "safe place" - I lose most things. So this blog is my virtual "hope chest" where you will forever have access to my most intimate thoughts and wishes for you. Besides, as I am sure you know, if it's on the Internet, it must be true.

This Christmas (2013) was a very different one for me. It was my first Christmas away from you and my first Christmas meeting (Mr.) Beau's family in California. I knew I would miss you terribly, and I also knew that you would have so much fun with Daddy and his family (especially your cousins!) while I was gone. I had been telling myself since Thanksgiving that December would be a month of special "experiences" for me and you, instead of a big Christmas morning with lots of presents.

We did a pretty good job of finding fun things to do - sometimes "just Mama and Faithy," as you always say, and sometimes with our best friends, Miss Suzie and Braden. We took a surprise bedtime trip to see Christmas lights, we baked cookies, we went to see "Frozen" at the big kids movie theater (your first trip!), you had a surprise visit from Tyler and Lexi and Aunt Heather and Uncle Troy (they woke you up in the morning!), we danced around the house to Paw Patrol and Donut Man, we went and saw the lights at the Botanical Gardens (you actually hated my guts that night, you were freezing cold and had no nap), and we ate a lot of donuts. I mean, a LOT.

(Mr.) Beau's parents

(Mr.) Beau & Miss Gabby

I had a wonderful time in California with (Mr.) Beau's family. They are the sweetest! I wish you could have been there with me to meet them. Mr. Don is Beau's dad and he has the kindest blue eyes you'll ever see. He sings like Frank Sinatra and makes magnificent coffee drinks for Beau's mom, Miss Marcia, every single morning. And they sit by their fireplace or out in their beautiful garden to chat every morning. We visited their church with them, and the choir was full of energetic, passionate people of all ages and ethnicities. We sang Christmas carols and I peeked over and saw Miss Marcia quietly doing sign language to all of the songs, and it brought tears to my eyes. Then the kids in the church all came forward and sang a Christmas song and I saw you in each and every one of them. The way one little girl kept waving to her mama, and the way one little boy nearly shouted the words to the song and the way another little girl had dimples just like you. I cried a little more then. Because even from 2,000 miles away, I can feel you. Just like Jesus is in our hearts, you are always in mine.



The castle of love :)

(Mr.) Beau took me to Napa Valley while we were there. If you know your mama at all, you know that this was another dream come true for me. That (Mr.) Beau fella, he is pretty good at making my dreams come true. It was beautiful and perfect and enchanting. His sister, Miss Gabby, and her husband, Mr. Antony, drove us around and showed us the most beautiful spots. We even went to a castle! I'm not the biggest "princess" fan, but you are, so you will love the pictures we took. Gabby is the sweetest and she takes beautiful pictures. And I have never seen anyone make (Mr.) Beau laugh as much as Mr. Antony does. He is a very funny guy.

That night, though, I missed you so bad. I was having the most
amazing time, but I wished that you were there meeting his family with me. For a while, it was just me and you. You're my best girl. It is strange to have a whole separate life experience without you. It's not your fault that we both have this dichotomous life, and I still hurt inside knowing that it is painful at times for you. But you need to always know that those feelings you feel are okay, no matter what they are. It's okay to tell Mama that you want to stay at Daddy's house and play with your cousins sometimes. And it's okay to cry sometimes when we do the weekly "drop off." Just know that you can always tell me how you feel, even if you think it might hurt my feelings.

I love you forever, angel. This Christmas, I just didn't have the money to make Christmas magic happen the way it usually does. But just like we have talked about so many times, Christmas is about showing kindness and love and celebrating Jesus' birthday. You're my best present. Always. Even when you are a teenager and think that I am all sorts of crazy, please remember this letter. It's never gonna be about the "things" we get, although that part sure is fun, and I wish I could give you the world. But my focus as your mama is always going to be celebrating the love in our lives (and you have a lot of people who love you! Especially me and Daddy) and showing kindness and grace to those around us. God has blessed us big time, sunshine.

Merry Christmas, Faithy.