It ain't easy raising a kid while still married. But when you are divorced, the chaos is multiplied by 8 bazillion. (Sidenote: random that I would choose a tiny number like "8" to put next to a ginormous number like "bazillion." Like, why wouldn't I choose 800 bazillion or something? Also, why don't I change the word "bazillion" since it really isn't even a word? I digress...)

In marriage, it's about compromise. Outside of that, it's more...negotiation. Bartering. Sometimes I imagine an auctioneer in the background rattling off our negotiation bids as we discuss these major life decisions. I don't imagine him as an ol' country boy or a slicked back greasy haired skeez. My auctioneer has a slight British accent and he looks like Chuck Bass. Which is weird because Chuck Bass talks exceptionally slow. Almost awkwardly slow. But I still choose him for my auctioneer. I digress...

When Faith is with her dad, she calls me every night to say goodnight and vice versa. The other night, Faith called and that sweet little voice got on the phone and ...

F: "Mommy! I want to get my ears pierced. I want earrings."

Me: "Whoa. No, Faithy, I'm sorry. You have to wait until you are old enough to be able to take care of them yourself. That's the rule."

F: "Noooo, Mommy. I want earrings. Daddy has earrings."

(STRIKE ONE)

Me: "What did Daddy say about this?"

F: "Daddy said YES!!"

(STRIKE TWO)

Me: "Ohhhh reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally."

F: "I love you, Mama."
(STRIKE THREE)

The next day, I climbed high up on my horse, grabbed a pedestal and stood on it on my tippy-toes, stuck my nose in the air and preached Baby Daddy a sermon about undermining my authority and the good cop/bad cop scenario and how it makes me look like a fool to tell her no when he said yes and that she needs to learn responsibility even at age 3 and that she can't always get what she wants, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. 

Baby Daddy: "I disagree."

Me: "That's it?"

BD: "Yes."

Me: "Well what are your reasons for that?? I just gave you a whole lot of good reasons!!"

BD: "I just think she's a pretty little girl and she is in my sister's wedding and earrings would look so nice with her flower girl dress."

Me: "LOW BLOW. I am not invited to the wedding and I don't even get to see her all dressed up like that."

BD: "I will let you come to the ceremony if she can get her ears pierced."

Me: "Really?????"

She understands.

BD: "Ugh. Yes. And you can bring your boyfriend."

Me: (tap dancing in Target) "FINE. And I want custody of the Crock-Pot again."

BD: "Deal."

And that'ssssssssss how it's done. Bing, Bang, Boom. Bigger fish to fry down the road, I'm sure.

 And thank you, Chuck Bass, for the beautiful visual I had during that whole exchange.